dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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