Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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