Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
