i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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