We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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