Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
