i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
