Screwed.edu
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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