So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
