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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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