I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
