Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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