so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
