Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
