I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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