We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Send help, water and tortillas.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
