Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
