You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
