literally had 100 drinks last night.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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