It's like God shit irony all over that family
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
why is half of my head shaved?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
