Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
