I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel