i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?