Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen