It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad