I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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