I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.