its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
