we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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