dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack