Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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