oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
