Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
