Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
