Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
