I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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