This is not my ceiling
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
