It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And then my night got REAL pukey
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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