I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
