forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
pop tarts are not kleenex
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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