I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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