Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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