So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
