Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
