PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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