he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
