I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
