And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
