Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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