That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
