I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
