My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
