you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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