Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
