he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
