I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
