i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
