Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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