somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
