I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
