Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
