i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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