my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
