new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im just a social blackout drinker.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
