thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize