Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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