dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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