You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
