a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
