this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
