just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
