Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
