their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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