a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can Purell be used as lube?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
