if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
