he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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