I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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