mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
