Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
