Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
