I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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