Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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