Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you will always have a special place in my vag
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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