Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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