She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
