im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
