Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
