bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
