Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There r osticjed everywhere
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
