so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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