Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
