I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
