I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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