he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
